Would MLK Be Happy Today?

Sidenote: From my old site from winter

The Martin Luther King birthday is a holiday for me. A real holiday from the 364 or 365 days (if it’s a leap year) from tireless advocacy for civil rights for all.

New Hampshire, the state I live in was the last state to observe the holiday as such around year 2000. It was called “Civil Rights Day” because according to the contrary, the state feared if they dedicate one holiday for one person, it would open the pandora’s box excuse for other leaders. MLK has been the only major figure (whose holiday came after his assassination) since the 1960s. To speak bluntly, it’s the asshole conservatives that wanted to keep things low key. Especially anything that is social related.

I’m not a social justice warrior. I don’t believe the SJW movement in the first place. I am a vocal opponent of a growing trend of this state turning blue but the same blue people having red agendas.

Specifically in the “developmental disability” community. We should in fact avoid using said phrase and use every developmental disorder to underscore the difference, the complexities and the diversity of each condition. The officials at The State of New Hampshire may not want to be “disability specific” but that’s exactly the problem.

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What is being Hopeless All About?

2017 Preface: I scrapped most of the original writing to insert what “hopeless” really meant. When I branded this site, I couldn’t even imagine the bullet points would be so true! Being in the previous toxic environment was the catalyst to this site and my feelings that had the majority control at the time.

The definition of “hopeless” means the following:

feeling or causing despair about something

The definition of despair means:

showing the loss of all hope

In the Thesaurus sense, despair means for adjectives :

gloomy, depressed, discouraged, demoralized, deviated, suicidal [don’t blame me], pessimistic 

In the context of the Hopeless Autisticit means that the bulleted points are not hope and:

  • They won’t be able to find an ideal, and reasonable day program
  • They won’t be able to find an ideal support staff
  • That they will not be able to have a reasonable and healthy social life
  • And won’t be able to find love

Unpublished Letters: Bureau of Developmental Services’ $20m Misfunding

Originally sent to the statewide newspaper at the Union Leader on Thursday and never responded. I highly doubt the mainstream media wants to really touch this story with a 10′ pole.

To the Editor,

Reading the cover story on February 13 th about the $20 million mismanaged funds at the Department of Health and Human Services’ Bureau of Developmental Services makes me sick as a resident whose describes himself as a “hopeless autistic.”

 In 2008, I had finished high school on my 21st birthday that fell on a half day on a Wednesday in March of that year. My supports with the SAU I resided at the time and the out of district program faded almost immediately. The area agency that covered my former residence simply did not have my back.

For nearly 18 months, I was on the “waitlist” which made me fall backwards. I also didn’t have much of a hopeful future before and after receiving Medicaid Waiver funding for day services; which has made me limp through life in the “real world” – which is reverse from what is taught in special education.

Meanwhile, I still have kept the pink button “People Can’t Wait” from a rally I attended as a reminder to make sure others won’t fall in the same trap I went through 8 years ago.

 I fear the current management at DHHS should be in question. I rarely make such statements of this nature public, but from an individual “on the front lines” I see the destruction to the system. To put this midly, families, individuals and my peers should be on alert, staying vigilant  and possibly be *scared* of the rate of deceleration of BDS and DHHS itself.

 Steven Ayotte

Merrimack, NH

Unpublished Letters, Hillary and the Republican’s Lack of Response to the Autistic Population

Due to the First in The Nation Primaries being about a week away, and being denied by the statewide newspaper, and a possible crapshoot by the Nashua paper, I’m publishing the letter as if it was unpublished as of this writing, near noon Eastern Time,  February 1st 2016.

To the Editor,

In January, Hillary Clinton had made a major campaign promise to tackle autism related issues (adults with the population, unemployment, housing, and general tolerance, etc.) This candidate who also was the Secretary of State had handled the Benghazi scandal horribly, storing an unsecured email server in her New York residence, and  selling out our national security and interests.

 I do not understand why any Republican candidate hasn’t countered Clinton’s offer in regards to autism. This boggles my mind.  Presidential Candidate Donald Trump has spread inaccurate lies about childhood vaccinations causing autism and what about the Millennial voters? A year ago, it was reported that one in five twentysomethings believed that vaccines caused autism.  How many of these groups of people know anything about the disorder to begin with or had any exposure to any individuals who suffer?

 I’ve lived in this state my entire life, I as both a minority of the remaining Millennials living here and an autistic feel progressively hopeless; we cannot afford an Obama 3.0 Administration and the lack of response by any Republicans is pitiful. The lack of addressing autism directly should not be a Democrat issue as this disorder can impact anybody.

 Let’s hope someone steps up to the plate by Primary Day.

Steven Ayotte,
Merimack, NH

The Driving Off the Cliff Metaphor

If there isn’t another way to describe my emotions over the last month, the last year to see what’s ahead for the next year, put it this way.

Imagine you’re driving a “Crappy American car” as I liked to describe the Big 3 autos; and that Crappy American car just like any other that will sputter unexpectedly. The car looses control. You try everything to avert a major disaster.

You’re up against a cliff and the road. But lets say there is a Big Scary Truck that is carrying hazardous materials. What do you do? Do you plow into the BST or go off the cliff and risk your life?

If you were a sane person, you’d drive off the cliff, to prevent a major disaster going into the BST.

“The system” in my state, the “supports” (the lack thereof) and the out of control government both on the state and Federal level is this Crappy American car. All the things I’ve previously discussed since inception in October is what this car is made out of.

You have no choice to avoid disaster, you’re going to wreck no matter what. Your peddles are failing, the steering wheel is about seconds to lock up.

And this is where I am right now. I can’t seem to try to navigate this broken car that I am riding at a “high rate of speed.” I have no driving force. I’m a passenger in the driver’s seat. There is no 9-1-1/Tier 2/3 helpline  for hopeless autistics. I have to navigate this myself.

And sadly the only option is to drive off the cliff. Will I survive? Who knows. At this point what worse can happen? Or is the worst yet to come?

I can’t answer that question. Because I am at a loss for answers. Just asking unanswered questions.


Why I do not Like Managed Care

I’m all for capitalism.

I’m all for reducing excessive costs.

I’m all for helping the needy, especially people like me who can’t take care of himself every hour and minute of the day. (That’s not a lie, and if I am cutting myself short – then so be it!)

The problem today is the biggest fear I have that will lead in to year 2020 , the year of the Hopeless Autistic. It’s Managed Care.

Managed care on the abstract, is supposed to improve quality of life for people who have Medicaid plans. Some people who are on Medicaid don’t have a Primary Care Provider or their “doctor”. Also some may be over or even under appropriating their Medicaid funds for their healthcare.

The problem is what was once a state controlled setup is now being outsourced to for-profit companies that have to deliver “shareholder value” in a quarter to quarter basis. Whether or not its based in my state is illrelevent. I’m all for provider diversity, if the company is based in the south, I could care less. I can’t name anyone in the Medicaid system in Concord form a lineup, and as previously mentioned, the power players in Concord do not know the brutal realities in their own state, so that ridiculous argument from the far left moonbats have that DEBUNKED!

The problem is what Medicaid used to be infinite, is now narrow-focused (back to a “cookie cutter” system) and what if your doctor is in one plan or company and another doctor in another?  And imagine the other part of Medicaid that is used for day services for every type of disability? A plan for Asperger’s and a plan for the low IQ, but if you’re in the middle you’re screwed?

I’ve spoken to many professionals in regards to me and they have nothing nice to say about any of the manged care providers. One woman said the New Hampshire Healthy Families was like dealing with a stubborn 3 year old child! That is my managed care provider!

And this is what many autistics are up against when the GOP basically forces the “Tax and Spend Democrats” agenda (without any facts to back it up and use improper English like how I wrote the quoted phrase) and forcing people to “Vote the Gang of Seven [because we will stick to 1950s agenda because ‘it worked’]”

I’m not going to let the Democrats off the hook. Their propaganda is just as bad, blaming the other party and exploiting the special interests for their own “capital.”

The illegal aliens in this state? I don’t think taking them off the rolls will save the state money because I don’t believe there are that many. It’s not to say they should be getting it the first place, I think it’s one of those GOP, templates that is more relevant in other states, but not as relevant as NH. I blame such template agendas on the Clear Channels of the world owning Rush Limbaugh and 700 tiny radio stations that carry cheap programing with cheap agendas and cheap people believing in the cheap agendas on a radio station you can get a better audience of getting a local talent shouting out of the window!

How come there is a such thing as an “Autism Crisis”?

The numbers of people with autistic disorders are now 1 and 50 children. If there are more children being diagnosed (whether or not they are being properly diagnosed is not the scope of this post or site) then how come people are not willing to accept there will be more of us then you?

The high functioning autistics and journalists covering the disorder believes that autism has always existed, meanwhile the anti-vaxxers believe the polar opposite, and joe shome families and individuals (like me) are saying “what about us?” They’re like My child is no longer a baby, they don’t know where they want to go in life. The system says he’s too high functioning to receive services. I never say this out loud, but I’m hopeless.

I’m going to break my rules of avoiding using the “Five Whys” or “Use one of the Five Whys Five Times” and ask:

  • why is the system slow to respond to the Autism Crisis Epidemic?
  • Why is the late 90s of “everything was fine in elementary school but middle and high school brought my child to hell” to this day?
  • School districts and other associated agencies say “We can’t accommodate  this” or “you” or “your child is too high functioning to receive services” while Voc Rehab and the mental health system are not appropriate services. so why the hell is this still continuing?
  • Why are transition plans (if there is a real such thing) that on paper look good, but about 9 times out of 10 end in tragic conclusions (dropping out of high school, unemployed, attempting to kill themselves, etc?)

I went to school in both states, New Hampshire and Massachusetts, and I never heard the positive propaganda pushed by the special interests groups in Concord. I’ve dealt with harsh realities. I never believe in the “Safeguards for Children with Disabilities” crap at the last page of my IEP. I lived in New Hampshire but had a Massachusetts IEP, despite what some of my colleagues in the special interests groups state “you have minimal rights when living in New Hampshire”. Well that’s great, but no one follows every law and even the state’s Disability Rights Center can reject complaints.

I’ve been lied to. I’ve been manipulated by “professionals”. I’ve worked with professionals who just “did the job” for 8 hours a day, and never had remorse or guilt when they came home. They had zero business working with special needs, but they got away with it.

There are so many people like me but the system can’t support quality professionals or reasonable laws to protect our rights. There is so much skepticism and scrutiny of not only the funding of services, but the disorder itself. People should’ve cried the “Autism Crisis” warning in 1995, not in 2005 and indefinitely not 2015. What’s more disturbing is this “Autism Crisis”, that resolutions are in humaine types, which were expected (for a minimum) 20 years ago.

We have just moved backwards and not forwards, which is why people need to call a spade a spade, There Is an Autism Crisis in the Granite State!

To those Who Don’t Get It…

To the Tea Party wackjobs, to the clueless Democrats and the Republicans that attack the other party for sport…

If you believe,

you can create a flight plan

enable Auto pilot

and insist that any social issue of the day (i.e. autism and the lack of addressing needs of services of all types for all kinds of people) can just fly on its own by programming the flight plan on “ideals” and “principals.

Then you sir, madam are naive and you must stop your arrogance pay attention to struggling families and individuals in this state of New Hampshire. The idea of “lets get rid of the illegals and it will fund the waitlist” is easier said than done. Among the other grumpy political tactics that can go for thousands of pages. Stop with principals, and start with real action.

Social issues are in a bumpy ride and we need HUMANS NOT law following robots, or budget cutting hicks from the country who have no idea what its like to suffer with autism. Or pols who think eliminating welfare to think charities will pick it up; or just the plain silly lawyer like politicians that just follows protocols and not understand the situation. Not only that, but some of these tight to the right Republicans also take their job so seriously, they act so serious its so damn laughable.

Maybe we should pray that every bushy faced man that is running NH politics will finally go to the graveyard, so we can have sane minded politicians that wouldn’t “tax and spend” and understand the real situations.

Unpublished Editorials: Discontinue support for the NH Council on ASD!

I never sent this for a letter to the editor, but I was this close to sending it. Not to long before I was going to submit this editorial; I met with a lady named Jennifer who is part of the said Council, at a conference in the state near the end of April. What was more disturbing was she dyed her hair blue and said to me that “it’s easier” to focus on blue because many people associate ASD as the single boy/blue color.

In anyway, while I didn’t actually submit this to the local papers, here is the original text:

To the editor,

As an autistic, I find it highly offensive on April 23rd, that Governor Hassan made a proclamation on Autism Awareness Month along with the state’s Council on Autism Spectrum Disorders. According to the Council’s website, they suggested for the people dress in blue. Blue colors refer to Autism Speaks, a corporate non for profit group that has a long time extremist reputation for an example condone murder against the autistic population.

I recommend people to get the spine-chilling truth by searching for “Autism Everyday” on YouTube. For a state that has allegedly lead on progressing the needs of the developmentally disabled; these actions speak louder than words and our state has stooped to a shallow level by endorsing Autism Speaks’ obscene propaganda.

As a citizen of this fine state suffering with a community who are treating my group of people like a stereotype – this is unacceptable for 2015 standards. From my research, the Council is a do-nothing group that has a negative potential – me and others – to go backwards not forwards. Not only that, they focus on a minority such as children when adults are the majority suffering with ASD. This Council should be shut down and give the money back to the tax paying citizens.

Steven Ayotte

If people don’t understand the last sentence, Michael Dell was quoted around 1997 when the late Steve Jobs returned to Apple, and he was quoted saying “If I were Apple, I’d shut it down and return the money to shareholders.”