Vanessa

2017 Preface: I had memories of Vanessa, a former para of my high school program. I wrote this as I had developed a special friendship with a staff at my now former day program. She was my sister figure. My only sister figure – ever! Or at least I thought. When I left in November, she has not remained in communication. Vanessa I have not seen in years.

This post is about a paraprofessional from over 11 years ago. Her name is Vanessa and she worked with me over a decade ago. She was an awesome woman. A few years older than I am, kinda of a sisterly figure, a cute looking lady whom I would refer to her as my best friend if only things went a different way. Professionally she was cool, calming, would deescalate my anxiety and was able to have this peer-but-authorative figure only because I knew my boundaries (or at least that’s what I felt back then.)

Well we parted ways as she left GLEC about a year or so after I left my first program there. We had great chemistry and we both got along better than I did with the aforementioned teacher that I previously wrote.

For a while after I was very devastated, it was like loosing a best friend. It was a breakup only because the way GLEC operated wasn’t like other places upon transfers of good professional relations, they follow them. Vanessa was unable to follow me.

As stranger things had happened, it was a couple years ago where my mother and I took me to Manchester to the Mall of New Hampshire to acquire my Mac mini. As we left Best Buy to go and have lunch, we went by one of those photo places. Vanessa working there! But after lunch, we walked by to not see her again. She was working with a customer (a family you know) when we first went by. The following months, I’d try to do walk by. Her name tag and face matched, and she I believed lived in Lawrence.

I’ve known that some paras ether go out of the field altogether and go a 180 in the career sense. That may have happened to Vanessa a couple years ago. If Vanessa was able to follow me to the school to work program, maybe the 21st birthday debacle would’ve been less painful.

There is an individual that kinda meets the above profile in my current day program. I need someone like a Vanessa and I’ve been longing to find a day partner in crime with a multi-year relationship for decades. I hope ether that individual or someone else can fill this void.

It would be an underestimate to say I need someone like her in my day to day life.

🙁

Autism In Love: Review

A documentary recently ran on PBS earlier this month of an independent documentary entitled Autism In Love. (Running on a host program called Independent Lens.) This project was in the works for at least a few years at least following on social media. After being let down of all the teases, I never followed up, till a recent post on a disability blog came to my attention.

After missing the original airing, I saw it Wednesday on my iPad by accessing it through PBS’ web site. (available through PBS till April 2016)

I have watched this three times since then to try to soak all the emotional, and very touching storylines.

Spoiler alert if you continue to read on.

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Video: Retaliation of Infatuations

This JCPenney advertisement from at least 9 years ago (I found this online in recent years) featured an innocent girl probably no older than a fifth grader. She secretly puts the initials of her name and her crushes on a piece of paper (yup this was the days way before the iPad and the MacBook was just on the market eclipsing the PowerBook) and even in old medium would someone be afraid to have the crush come back to crush them.

Throughout the then 60 second spot, the scribbles disappeared from the paper, and moved on to her desk, then onto the chalkboard and girl tried to cover up the doodle. The girl for the right reasons became paranoid throughout. The message moved from the locker room, to a bulletin board, to the cafeteria where she would then see the scribble once again near the boy of interest, and plop onto the cafeteria table and try to cover it up as the boy moved her hand and both would smile.

Yours truly could relate to this story up till about the 45 second mark. Crushes in the last few years I’ve kept under secret. I’m too afraid to tell anyone about any feelings of any girl that I’ve previously liked. It’s even too risky to put it on paper because I fear something like this would happen in real life. Children are often teased about infatuations, but when one is hitting 30 in a year, the rules are much different, and more against me.

So yeah, my lips are sealed.

Say That You Love Me (A Narrative on Crushes)

Humm, I guess the 90’s are kicking in for me thinking of that hit entitled Lovefool.

Anyways, I’ve had a massive case of infatuations from as far back as I was about 11. I’ve learned over the years that crushes aren’t just normal or natural but it can be downright painful and just plain bad.

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Update: The Back Story to Acquiring my Avaya PBX, part two

This is the second part of a 2 part story

By March 9th (nearly a week and half after he offered the system) the package made its way from Montana to New Hampshire. The next challenge? Trying to be home on the day it would arrive and then try to get (what was clearly over 80 pounds) into the house at least in one piece for it to work. And do this so the UPS Guy doesn’t trip and fall on the ice. That would be tragic for both the Brown guy and the PBX. Well it came on time at my normal UPS Ground route for my neighborhood (and stalking the package with my iPhone with its tracking number.)

How did I get this bad boy in the house?

Thankfully the 9th had milder weather as opposed to a cold February (where only one day was above freezing.) I was making some dollars on that day just clearing out the ice on the walkway. Sliding on the ice was already dicey (my grandmother is not getting any younger) and obviously this had to be cleared out so the PBX could be in one piece. I lugged it from the deck somewhat dragged it gently to the other deck steps because we have a pool and the steps to the deck are built for security/insurance purposes. Then, brought it down to the doghouse (the access point to the basement which is underground. However some have bulkheads – if say the basement/ground is exposed.  Some Cape houses are exposed full 3 stories, ours is underground. In this entryway, we have a full height entry space as I descend down a dozen steps.)  Without railings I got it situated in the laundry room. Thankfully, this individual named Jason had put these foot long circuit boards in actual Avaya boxes that typically are packaged with, and the administrative software was stuck on tape to the PBX unit itself.

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The Back Story to the Marriage to the Girl in Ballerina Flats

In 2013, I came to my senses that I’d also be a hopeless romantic. Love and autism doesn’t have to be a complicated relationship status, and sadly the recurring characters such as incompetent psychologists acting as state leaders, inadequate training (fear mongering), and possibly “following the money trail” say IDEA for an example, had a lot to do during my teenage years.

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