The State of Shock (and Awe)

2017 Preface: This would be the defining change to the The System Being a Homewrecker. By this point, I started to feel that 12 alarm blaze that the flames didn’t go out just got worse. The way the State ran, was all my fault for not understanding the system. At this point I did not understand where I crossed a line of challenging authorities.

At the time of writing, I wasn’t sure who was at fault, I basically felt both were at fault, as well as me not understanding.

In summer to fall of 2014, I started discussions with my current day program to begin in January of 2015. I went in with a mindset because many of the clients were lower functioning, that I’d settle for less, meaning in hopes and dreams. Another day program in the area has higher functioning people but I didn’t fit in because I thought I was at high risk (remember Too Good to Fail?)

While I would start the program, the plan was to attempt to find doctors to figure out why I felt so at high risk – at least how I look at myself in the mirror. That was my only commonality with the other clients at the time.

From the beginning, I felt very vulnerable after being in the program feeling like I was bossed around, being micromanaged or worse feeling “manipulated” or being degraded.

Of one of the most strangest things that happened since about September was hire of a new manager. At the time I was there for 9 months, something wasn’t right. A new manager within months after me joining…what’s in store? Given the age and experience of the manager, I was already on the camp of guilty until proven innocent. Fortunately this manager is now the latter.

However the series of changes have gone in a complete 180. The program suddenly was shaken up and now everything is as “individualized to the individual as possible” from scheduling to goals and everything else.

OK I trust the new manager, but what happens if the hacked up Hackerama at BDS decides they’ll tinker with the rules on the state level and all these seriously great ideas go up in smoke?

Then yours truly the Hopeless Autistic will go back to square 1 prior to last fall.

(You can see how inconsistent the system is and people wonder why I might be “stuck”…)