Lacking Self-Forgiveness

Living with a DevDisability is a really painful situation, even if you’re the higher functioning type. You get lumped into the low functioning stereotypes. My group and myself were not taught to love our quirks, we were ordered to look in the mirror and creep the ever living eff out of ourselves.

When someone in the PDD spectrum says “I’m sorry” or tears up on an effup, this isn’t by accident, it’s really by design.

“The system”, the so called collective clusterfuck of Special Education, and adult day programs and support staff are taught by a collective group think, the individual’s support must be on the negative, and not supporting the positive, because for centuries the negativity must always be addressed and be very pervasive.

‘typical professionals are rewarded for enhancing negative stereotypes, calling out the stereotypical behavior and a feedback loop of insecurities.

Because it was so burned-in that I had to catalog all my deficits, that I thought perhaps starting anew with familiar faces would be the trick, or slightly talk to the estranged family part of what I had to go through. Regardless, by late 2019, neither trick worked. Given COVID killing 2020, and the hangover of this year, I start 2022 trying to figure out another challenge of the past, how to forgive my deficits that was so exploited for more than twenty years of my life.

Personalities such as narcissistic behaviors is a major factor in how my group is treated, that will be a future discussion point.

Self Hatred

Hate is not learned, it’s taught

Growing up in a micro institutional environment, even if you could go in and out within six hours, miles away from home; it sure felt like a traumatic experience.

I am not a self-centered person, because I can’t speak for anyone else with ASD with authority except for me, because I can only speak with certainty of the challenges in life.

I am still looking for purpose because it was wrongfully taken away from me 22 years ago. To say it’s just me is standard gaslighting and minimizing my view of reality. 

I am in a situation where I am at a point where I am seeking other’s admiration as a form to feel less self-guilt. I felt like I had held grudges because it was my doing, to only find out people really don’t care about me as a whole. Not that I can not make up lost time, but to build quality time in the present with a new outlook with either family or peers.

And that never happened, hence why I severed ties with the Londonderry bunch and then created Londonderry NH Exposed because that the cleavage of in-experiences between me and them would be further spread. Worse they are completely apathetic; only because I am the only person they know who has autism (and this when I started to doubt the statistics because it didn’t make sense.)

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Millennials (the enemy), Autistics (the victim) and the Future

As I look 5 years down the road, I really am concerned for my own sake and sanity. The 1 and 50 cases of autism is either over reported or just simply illogical, because even in the 2000s, where there was 1 and 150 cases, people I had gone to grade school with, should’ve had been exposed one or more at least in their own family.

In reality, the town I once grew up are so ignorant. Studies over the last decade show the folks born between 1982 to 1995 that vaccines causes autism, but the studies never showed if they knew anyone who had it.

I’d go so far to say these fucking dead fetuses probably think autism is a disease that can be transmitted through bitting someone else or hitting them.

Sadly, there is no voice right now to focus on average verbal/non verbal/but not super high functioning, and not so morbidly disabled. As I said before, ones in diapers and ones who run away and the alleged geniuses who think ASD is a gift is far between. You put the two together, you probably get 35% of the overall autistic population.

This future is very bleak because if so few do not understand and are quick to write people like me off, this is avalanche that will just snowball and take the average population down with self esteem and extreme depression.

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Is “Real America” Just Adding Kerosene to the Fire of Divide of America?

What is “Real America”? Is the so-called “coastal elites” considered to be  Non America? Fake-America? What? Why do pols not have filters and assistants to check on if they are coherent before they Tweet?

It sure seems like Ohio is a dumb state of dumb people who are too simple to understand moderately complex things like COVID19…

Modern Day Gen-X, the “Karens” are the Threat to Democracy

(GenX on Democratic societies: Democrats are evil people, “AOC and the Squad” will turn America into a Marxist society. I don’t know about you, how did this “Karen” complete High Schoo, the dialog was about governance, not a party can they tell “democratic” or “democracy” vs the DNC apart?)

If you look at demographics how POTUS Trump got elected, the age ranges was fifty plus. this goes right to Gen-Xers and likely their parents (if they are still alive, the Silents.) The youngest people on the Fox News Channel (or hell the Fox Business Network) is north of 40, which gets you to Gen-X too.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, the “Karen” name was a nickname of Gen-Xers as a caricature of an middle age female who is clueless of a modern day society and is not really attractive on personality or looks. The “Karens” feel yet again forgotten, as these blue collared workers lost their jobs for a number of reasons, but yet refuse to retrain themselves. They strongly believe in freedom, but neglect what responsibilities means. They laughed at millennials when Hillary lost as they would say “suck it up buttercup” (a signature trait of Gen-Xers is maturity, resiliency, and moving on.) Gen-Xers typically are the throw-away-the-toys at 18, teenage rebellious years ends at 19, “act like an adult” (Been directly told that by many Gen-Xers). Gen-Xers also instructed their children to obey authority and have an orderly life.

Gen-Xers by 2020 was more Do-As-I-Say-Not-As-I-Do

Gen-Xers  (and the remaining Silents) felt “robbed” yet again when Donnie Boy Trump didn’t get elected because of a poorly run relection campaign. The world was against them – personally. For whatever reason it was “AOC and The Squads” fault, or gawd forbid Nancy Pelosi. They rebelled authority during the pandemic, their self reliency pushed themselves to DIY-research and even if they are not qualified to speak on a subject (like public health and medicine.) The throw-away-the-toys-at-18 folks were acting like the high school clique of The Class of 1986 instead!

The Tea Party of 2010 vs. January 6th

When I was 23 when the first wave of the Tea Party made their way to the National Mall, I was unable to get a read on these people. These people came and went as if they were never there. (as an aside: I never call these people “racists” per se, but I do think they have high xenophobia and I can say many of these people don’t even know that’s even a word; but these one-issue voters were exploding like wildfire with again this Silent>Gen-X path.)

In a decade, the good-behavior became something of like real life Morton Downey in a large scale. Sorry Mort, may you rest in peace…nor should he or the show be the reason because this was a boiling pot waiting to explode in this gap between the Boomers and Millennials.

With Jan 6th, many of the people who weren’t swiftly arrested unlike other groups of people, were between older age to middle age. These same people who I think have more dangerous narcissism than the Boomers (that had been known notoriously for that)  they were quick within minutes after the breach to blame a leftist group, to then blame other groups and agencies and as of November 2021, none of these people ever want to take responsibility. In a serious tone. To them it’s just a tragedy on a single day and we must just keep this day in the past, but lead to this was these bratty Middle Children-like personas that in reality they do not have any resiliency or suck-it-up attitude at all anymore.

Gen-Xers, “Karens” is a new threat

Fringe groups I will refuse to name, “Karens” refusing to vaccinate, and using “Culture Wars” to attack school boards on issues like CRT, again prior to 2021, CRT stood for Cathode Ray Tube, for those ol TV sets; now it’s Critical Race Theory and apparently it’s code for commies and Marxist agendas, and yet these Gen-Xers cannot cite any references or sources to confirm it, believes in Q (no, I am not talking about Capt. Picard’s enemy in Star Trek TNG). The Gen-Xers and mama-bears, and other alarming individuals think our country is on Defcon 7, the world (as they know it) is disappearing, and their damages, vindictive personalities, playing politics like it’s a pretend game, is really going to make our country fall apart faster than the Boomers was feared to do.

These 50 million misfits in America are a minority who thinks they can impose a majority-rule, restricting voting, allowing men to decide what women should do with their reproductive system, banning LGBTQ implicitly or explicitly, control their kids and retaining their youth to their child’s grave, the generation of personal responsibility is an oxymoron. They are choosing to whine and cry like fucking children. Where are the adults in the room?

Couldn’t resist without closing from a film that Gen-Xers can relate to.


The F-Word… “Family”, part two

Advice for whiney Karens who think they know what’s best for their children and corrupt them into adulthood…

  • Fathers: when knocking up a woman, always take ownership, whether you’re married, cheating, having a bastard child. Avoid a Triple D with a Triple A demeanor. Denying a child’s birth, will only corrupt a child.
  • Mothers: “Giving birth” means you are giving a gift of life to the world. The world (whether it’s the next county over, or the other part of the continent or literally down under) has a reasonable right to be able to allow your child’s gifts
  • Oh and allow your child to have their gifts. If you are annoyed, then that’s your problem
  • The child must have good manners, and set a healthy example, but just because you’re a parent does not mean it gives you the right to fully control the child just because you can in theory. This corrupts children.
  • Be open, but expect the child to be blunt. Your kid may say something in a conversation that may go against your world views. Your kid may challenge you with a “Why” that isn’t about not throwing a ball near your mint Dodge pickup that you are protecting like you love it more than your human offsprings. Kids question bigger issues, but the parents love to control the narrative on preserving a crappy American made truck, than issues like politics, sex and money.
  • If your kid runs away (figuratively or literally) expect to take stock. These damned mama bears and papa bears never seem to take responsibility for corrupting a child. When a child runs away from the parents, they are scared, the last thing they need is to show who has authority. In fact this “authoritative parenting” is likely overcompensating the lack of that with the Boomer>Millenial cross generations. Kids are not objects, they are not your bitch. 
  • Children are children. Do not adult them. A former neighbor had two boys in the last decade. I recall minding my own business, the high pitched, and fast spoken individual was also using 5th grade language to children who weren’t entering in the first grade. The mother for no known reason was treating the children closer to adults then what their brains could handle. I could literally see the puzzled look in their eyes. We thought preserving kid’s innocence was just sex?
  • Likewise, talk to your hierarchal children at eye level. Do not look down at your kids, do not talk down, do not insult their intelligence. Avoid “instructing” children, then they look like they are apparent spoiled brats when it’s far from reality.
  • Family is more than just blood related individuals. Kids need to find someone to reproduce too. But that can’t work if you apply arranged marriages, saying the girlfriend is no good, just because she’s a hippie, or you don’t like her politics. Also, children need to be treated as individuals, not a clusterfuck of generic children in a generic family, this leads into more conflict that could be prevented if hte parent had their act together. 
  • The use of “hierarchal children” means the family unit is more flexible than the “flat” family structure (like the “clusterfuck” analogy.) In my estranged family, it’s very clear the “children” are perpetual youngsters that will probably stay the same.
  • Avoid parentification of children. Kids are not expected to grow up and be parents. There is a severe narcissistic parenting, of which parentification is common. This means that kids are acting as parents to do the work they should be able to do on their own.
  • Stop bragging about your children! That used to be an idiom, but for whatever reason parents who have no self-control , insist they have entitlement they can embarrass, and set a narrative, even if the child is an adult.

Lastly: The world is greater than yourself. Listen, take responsibility, be open, do not hide skeletons. Do not project, reflect instead; set examples in actions, stop using cute words, do not act like a king or queen. Don’t act like your life is invincible. Be humble, don’t gloat about your child. Don’t take your roles too seriously. Allow a child to fall on their own feet. Teach empathy. Only be aggressive when necessary, and let go of the petal when necessary. Embrace individuality, support a child’s own direction of thought. Do not indoctrinate them. Do not experiment mom-club ideas.  Think greater than yourself.

Facebook and the Crazy Political World

I’ve noticed on my friends who are conservative or liberal use or share content on the platform are radically different. I do not mean to trash right wingers, but the average Facebook user whose right of center are certainly not of those of The Lincoln Project, hell Joe Scarborough is fucking more rational than your standard crazy-aunt!

This lies to an issue that probably got accelerated in the Ronnie Regan years, and obviously George W. Bush, the idea that very rural people or people who grow up in the middle of nowhere basically stop growing and learning. Obviously Regan had very static views, and did more preaching. Bush, despite his combative agenda with the War on the Gulf; was not a combative person, and would not act like a high school bully the way Presidant Trump was his last term. Because I have been on this planet for a while, Bush supporters, were just that, because fanboys had not been used in the political sense, till Trump (and Bernie Sanders) campaigned in ’16.

Facebook (as well as Twitter, and even YouTube in live comments) is very dangerous to society when it comes to any type of elections. From my experience conservatives on Facebook…

  • Content that is shared lack credentials: I am not asking “where are your papers?”, in order to influence or inspire on a platform of which inspiration can be a positive… whether it’s some trivial content of some random Facebook page, of a name I don’t recognize who talks like the guy working on the railroad, will not motivate me… because how in the hell do I not know that dude is a Russian bot? I mean seriously! (I prefer to find a validated Facebook fan-page; with name-recognition or a user, if it’s a profile from someone friends-or-friends and below that. Also anyone who has credentials and a background to them is considered to be an “elitist”… which doesn’t need more explanation)
  • Conservatives are more long-winded than liberal leaning posts. Oh the days where liberals are long-winded are not popular right now. In fact the left-leaning people I know tend to be more on-point and well-written than say some right-winger. This ranges from memes, and just text-based status updates. The long winded is sometimes just simple carriage-returns because they are not smart enough to write a complete sentence, only to type dialogues…just the standard, three word sentence times 20. Their long winded posts, takes so long to read, that you could read a New Yorker article and get to the half way period by the time you figure out what the tight-right Facebook post meant.
  • Conservatives love memes: Build The Wall, I Stand For The flag, Congress should have term limits, etc. They love viral videos from other low lives like Dinseh D’Souza and Brietbart, specifically on debates. And they love spiffy attacks to “own the libs”
  • Conservatives lack the ability to critique liberals or other institutions, and never critique their own. Simply because they lack self-reflection
  • Conservatives Connect to Conquer and to create Chaos and yet the orderly and respect mindset of the wingnuts is what was described when Bushes were in office, Bill Clinton, and Regan. These people are the trailer trash wackjobs who can’t even learn to wear a fucking dress or a suit once and a while
  • They choose to stick to their high school education memory: This isn’t about college vs high school educated, many high school educated people who voted for say POTUS Trump, literally left their ability to learn at graduation or worse even before. It’s almost as if their mind was trapped and stuck in nostalgia instead. Not to mention the undertones of hazing unpopular politicians because they mask them as villans.
  • Conservatives HATE being informed: Any news content is the standard, rip and read content to get clicks, and they hate the MSM because getting news from people with philosophical minds must be evil people. Disinformation for them is powerful, stretching points of fact and making up narratives to conform to their world is apparently A-OK.
  • S&L Poli: They Know Nothing! You know a conservative when they never discuss state or local governmental issues. To them, they think all the action is in D.C., (yes liberals are known to do that, but that is less relevant now, only because they dialed up), remember conservatives treat politics literally like a Sox and Yankees matchup, they shout at their TV like as if they were at Fenway or Yankee Stadium, shouting at a hateful player. If you asked them their rep or senator or worse their city council member, they wouldn’t know because they don’t care, because in their world view, “the real politics is in D.C.” (emphasis added)
  • They talk very unoriginally. And lacking authenticity turns people off. They are talking what some other talking head is saying, of which comes from some political handler a few degrees down. So by the time it hits the Sheltered American in flyover country, it is so obvious it’s just a parrot mocking what the political handler is manipulating.

Now the liberals don’t use social media in the same way conservatives do. In fact these dinosaurs, were early adopters to social media, and despite the contrary, it was believed that the 2012 Presidential Election, was where social media clearly had played a significant role, despite claims that Facebook and Twitter got President Obama elected.

  • There is fifty shades of liberals on social media (if not more) Some liberals are on Facebook or others often, some are sharing rarely, some are populists, some are decent Democrats (just don’t say that to your crazy aunt!)
  •  They most often are not following Facebook Pages. Some just use Facebook to keep tabs on friends and family, while more distant people, with lousy social subnets are using Facebook’s Groups and Pages.
  • Some capture on memes, and some appear to not be literate at editorial  judgement. Like on the right, some are indiscriminately sharing content that is hard to trace. Imagine the screengrabs being screengrabbed, that got another screengrab, and those Tweets over a few years old, of which does the person who shared that on Facebook even know that meme was originally a Tweet?
  • The lefties love their Frames. These people are like sofas, they take a position on whoever last sat on them, in this case they love their three word political Facebook frames on their default pic.

I’m an issues guy, so I love to make fun of anyone who comes off as an ass.

WordPress’ Gutenberg… a Piece of CRAP!

I am thankful I moved over to my own platforms almost a couple years ago. I am pretty good in my cyber hygiene to prevent hackers from taking the sites down.

Gutenberg, if you are not familiar is a user interface to add content onto WordPress sites, or blogs. The UI is complex as hell, despite it’s simplicity.

It’s designed for a mobile-first world, but it conflicts with a bunch of white space in it’s interface. It’s aim is to prevent clutter, but yet, everything is spaced out. What if I am not interested in using touch interfaces? What if I do not want this to be running on my MacBook because it taxes on the CPU resources? Does anyone realize that these “responsive” interfaces that detects if you are using a desktop or a tablet actually draws more resources because it reality the computer, the web browser is doing a “reaction” to re-arrange the interface to fit to what screen is being used? Does anyone realize that’s what it is basically?

They claim this is minimal? Does anyone realize how much code it’s drawing off on?

I bet there will be a religious war of what platform is better the classic WP-admin or Gutenberg.

I am fed up with consumer-friendly fluff that doesn’t reflect the productive people in society and I could care less about vloggers who aren’t professional enough to be using a not so pretty interface. Thank you 2-bit losers.


Damn that Millenial! Why do GenXers get a bad name?

What happened to these parents is they were the first major generation to basically grow up without much rules, as both of their parents were working, leaving the kids to on their own. Most GenXers would be outside, outside and be very outdoorsy till the sun set. They didn’t do much gaming, even if an Atari existed, and to many of the Gen-Xers, an Apple was a fruit, and sometimes a computer, and even for an Apple II, it was too complicated. Most Gen-Xers learned on an IBM 5150 (or “The IBM PC”) resulting in burnouts of Tier 1 Helpdesk professionals often changing under 50somethings’ diapers during the first generation of the PC.

As a result they are technologically phobic and can’t understand social media, let alone the original carnations of the World Wide Web. Remember if they learned on a PC, then they never understood the open Internet, because Microsoft manipulated their users to use Internet Explorer… don’t get me started with that trauma!

Many of just only 50 million of these weirdos too worshipped Ronald Regan, as if he was some magical political force, of empty policy, and fluffy marketable ideas, but again ideas are not policy. If you push your beliefs, then it can magically become this perfect little world that the United States could do nothing wrong. Regan introduced society that primitive thinking (like as if we were in 1000 AD by branding his policies pretty simply.

Then GenXers were exposed to children randomly going missing in the 70s, and as a result, this may indicate why a certain age and demographic why parents over-protect their kids not from physical harm, but their feelings and mental protection is doing anything to harm.

That’s another subject for another day.