From The Broken Desk of Steven…

I have written a bunch of works for several blogs and platforms over the last decade. As time has gone on, I have realized that there was several underlying things that collided, and are colliding, and is the reason of where I am today, at a point where I feel I being oppressed.

This should not come at a surprise to anyone. My written blog posts as well as recent forays into podcasts and livestreams have basically wrapped 3 different types of challenges that was documented and sadly will likely get worse before it gets better. The reason why I have (and still do) is just a verification of the Hey-I-Told-You-So… not that I want to be (always) right either.

The reason why I am not in an active relationship, the ability to have a meaningful work environment or hell the ability to have a casual social network, is either being blocked or being destroyed or worse I was engineered to fail!

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5th Grade – Hopeless Romantic, confirmed (Hopeless Autistic)

In late 2018, I finally arrived to the litmus test of what would solidify the Hopeless Autistic status from the late 1990s, just a year before the diagnosis was brought to my attention after SHTF.

In a Facebook Messenger thread of school age friend, of which 2 years worth of conversations was actually printed out at 147 pages, for a discovery. Mind you, the only video chat occurred around this time, in late 2018. Millennials really use Facebook for pics and texts.

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The Hopeless Autistic: Downgrading the Importance of “Family Support”

Originally written in June 2018

What drives me over the edge is the ridiculous insanity (that is, repeating the same idea and expecting a different result) is the importance of “Family Support”. This “Family Support” is basically all ‘typicals with a one degree connection to someone with a disability not someone specifically with a disability. They are forced to live in a box entitled Self advocates.

Taking out other disabilities and focusing on what this site has been over 2 years, is the ones who have been living with it for life. Why in the hell should the siblings, and other ‘typical family members be the primary caretaker if when the parents pass on?! Why should they have to be the default caretakers? Why should their lives be succumbed by the other family member with a disability?  What about neighbors, family friends, hell even friends to the person with a disability?

Why should the siblings (if they even have one?) put their live on halt to take care of someone severely autistic or other disabilities?

It’s not fair for ether party.

“Family support” is basically an old brand in New Hampshire that was once known for taking down state institutions but is living a dated quality, now just got all political and bashing political parties instead of fixing issues from geriatric Baby Boomers who’s offspring generation has no plans on coming in and helping, unless they want a nice photo op to help them advance their careers in managing “developmentally disabled” people, two or more degrees from that individual.

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Why Men Love B!tches – Moi’s POV

Warning: Bad Language used. Please read with discretion

There’s a book published called Why Men Love Bitches (or something like that.) I found the book a while back at my local Barnes & Noble, and skimmed through it. I took a picture of the cover but can’t seem to find it on my machine or server, but who cares! I don’t remember much of the context; but more on the general message. Or at least if I can remember that as well!

I want to say that I don’t want this site to be all about relationships, but on the same time that subject has been a difficulty that I’ve struggled and still puzzled if that it’s my autism or the world around me that I can’t understand. I know for sure I’ll take a hit for speaking my version of the truth at least in this post…

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How the Hopeless Autistic Began

To sum it up in a paragraph: I had gotten a name of a genetic doctor at Dartmouth/Hitchcock Manchester. From winter to June there was back and forth in backoffice paperwork. After that cat and mouse game ended, we got a date to meet with the doctor on September 1st. Basically the genetics testing was too risky financially as my primary insurance through my mother denies at 13 years and older. The Managed Care Medicaid wouldn’t touch it unless it was denied by the primary insurance provider, and if Medicaid denied it it would’ve been a severe case of SOL. (The story of my life…everything is bleep out of luck!)

Well in the meantime, the doctor suggested a name of Dr. Jennifer McLaren in Lebanon. According to that doctor, she supposedly worked with adults. (I suspect she may work with them if they aged out as children like a grandfathered clause.) Well when I called them, they basically denied me and gave me the infamous advocacy organization, etc.

It was after this run-in with the broken adult special needs system is when I decided of I Can’t Take This Anymore! And this is how The Hopeless Autistic began. Thank you unforgiving “doctors”!

Ethics Schethics

email screengrab

 

The reason why I don’t trust the National Alliance for Direct Support Professionals because their own damned speakers have to set boundaries for (excuse the air quotes) “students”! As shown in the screengrab the trainer from the July session clearly stated “Please contact me with any further questions related to direct support professionals, ethics and competencies.” Yeah because I’m going to ask “how’s your love life going?” This is a joke!

Also, this wasn’t intended to be a f—–g letter, nor should had the need to VIOLATE HIS OWN DSP CODE OF ETHICS by insulting MY intelligence!

My gawd and them hacks from Albany? Aren’t they a little ethically challenged?

I blame them for the desensitizing of the human race on that intellectual level.

The next two years will be interesting to see.

Autism in Love: Review, part two

This Post is All About Lenny and dedicated to him. His struggles deserves its own post. Warning, this may be a tear dripper.

The only single guy featured in this film was on the left coast. Lenny was introduced and closed out the film.  Throughout the documentary, what was very striking was how he appears to be overcompensating and trying so hard to be normal.

The first abnormal sign was he wanted to dress up on camera to decide otherwise. (Was he in a work or school program that demanded him to look fancy?) To be honest, I’d rather see him more of Lenny than someone of who he should be. Second he was very determined  for being the dominant person, that no female should be stronger or better than him. (Well if he had old fashioned people as his “supports”. Third was how should be in college, making a lot of money so he could take care of his lady. He even is in tuned to the trashy Caucasian ladies by stating to the cameraman at one point that African American ladies are “more independent” and was explaining “interracial relationships”. (You can add every non American woman into the mix as I’ve already discussed before.)

For people new to this site, this documentary aired on PBS in early January, following a 3 plus year project. You can see it here till April or go to iTunes, Google Play, etc and search for “Autism in Love”

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Autism In Love: Review

A documentary recently ran on PBS earlier this month of an independent documentary entitled Autism In Love. (Running on a host program called Independent Lens.) This project was in the works for at least a few years at least following on social media. After being let down of all the teases, I never followed up, till a recent post on a disability blog came to my attention.

After missing the original airing, I saw it Wednesday on my iPad by accessing it through PBS’ web site. (available through PBS till April 2016)

I have watched this three times since then to try to soak all the emotional, and very touching storylines.

Spoiler alert if you continue to read on.

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Video: Retaliation of Infatuations

This JCPenney advertisement from at least 9 years ago (I found this online in recent years) featured an innocent girl probably no older than a fifth grader. She secretly puts the initials of her name and her crushes on a piece of paper (yup this was the days way before the iPad and the MacBook was just on the market eclipsing the PowerBook) and even in old medium would someone be afraid to have the crush come back to crush them.

Throughout the then 60 second spot, the scribbles disappeared from the paper, and moved on to her desk, then onto the chalkboard and girl tried to cover up the doodle. The girl for the right reasons became paranoid throughout. The message moved from the locker room, to a bulletin board, to the cafeteria where she would then see the scribble once again near the boy of interest, and plop onto the cafeteria table and try to cover it up as the boy moved her hand and both would smile.

Yours truly could relate to this story up till about the 45 second mark. Crushes in the last few years I’ve kept under secret. I’m too afraid to tell anyone about any feelings of any girl that I’ve previously liked. It’s even too risky to put it on paper because I fear something like this would happen in real life. Children are often teased about infatuations, but when one is hitting 30 in a year, the rules are much different, and more against me.

So yeah, my lips are sealed.