Lack of Social Networking = No Growth Potential

From the other site

I’m writing this after a recent encounter on the ride home from the turnpike where I saw some toll taker that is about my age or even younger, cute and attractive. Many people are much older than I am. I’ve seen her before and she’s I believe married.

Living in a suburban area that is borderline rural and not rural just north of a big city is not easy. I’ve grown up in a large suburban town, where for most of my life, I didn’t grow up there, because I spent more time down in Massachusetts. I’ve repeated this story a number of times, for the people that know me well, middle school hell and high school insanity that impacts almost all adolescents.

Obviously I lost contact with almost every one of them. A vast majority of the kids I went to school are living in large urban cities, much further away from where they grew up, even one I know lives down under. I also do not think these kids are ever coming back to where they call home (as many aren’t also even married or having children and they have or are hitting three-zero themselves.) New Hampshire is the state for the hard tight republican types. New Hampshire was nice growing up, but a pain to live as an adult. It’s nice to visit as an adult but it’s much better to live an a “tolerant” urban locale.

This snobbery and arrogance is what isn’t helping my group. We don’t have a choice to pick our bags and travel to any state, especially in some locations institutions still exist, and the same group of people have limited tolerance for people with autistic or other developmental disorders. I’ve been pushed to the bone to find “peers” and be with my “peers” I always thought that those “peers” were normal “people of my own age”. And apparently because I am still longing for this over a decade later, I guess I am doing something wrong.

Now how do I grow my social circle? Go out and make yourself known. Ok, so how can that next step of trying to get people to be in contact? Business cards are just as bad as an attempt to befriend people on Facebook. I’ve been denied by a number of people who I had frequent contact, it’s not like I met a Barista and asked to befriend her on Facebook the day after.

The social world is not what is taught in special education. It’s really a Banana Republic, and quite often, the fast-paced changing world of clueless teenagers as thirty year olds known as the Millenial generation does not help matters.

I’d rather have friends who are objects at this point. Because I am tired of being treated like a dog by my “peers”. I can’t tell you one person outside of my immediate circle that was born after 1980 that has much respect to have a meaningful acquaintance, friendship, and the ability to grow social connections and business opportunities.  And because of this, I’ve been “stuck”, and it has exasperated my ability to grow. 

What I have come to except is that the ability to grow my socialization to the masses will be a lost cause, which in 2016 was the year of accepting that harsh reality.

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Decoding Autism: Stop Coding The Condition!

From the other site published in winter

As I have explained a number of times, autism is a condition that impacts people. Not boys, not just kids, but adults too. Some develop later in their childhood years, and some apparently from the routine MMR vaccines and classify that as an “injury”. Or you have some nit wit of a celebrity who uses every semantics similar to a person with a cancerous condition of “beating the odds, my child is cured!”

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Would MLK Be Happy Today?

Sidenote: From my old site from winter

The Martin Luther King birthday is a holiday for me. A real holiday from the 364 or 365 days (if it’s a leap year) from tireless advocacy for civil rights for all.

New Hampshire, the state I live in was the last state to observe the holiday as such around year 2000. It was called “Civil Rights Day” because according to the contrary, the state feared if they dedicate one holiday for one person, it would open the pandora’s box excuse for other leaders. MLK has been the only major figure (whose holiday came after his assassination) since the 1960s. To speak bluntly, it’s the asshole conservatives that wanted to keep things low key. Especially anything that is social related.

I’m not a social justice warrior. I don’t believe the SJW movement in the first place. I am a vocal opponent of a growing trend of this state turning blue but the same blue people having red agendas.

Specifically in the “developmental disability” community. We should in fact avoid using said phrase and use every developmental disorder to underscore the difference, the complexities and the diversity of each condition. The officials at The State of New Hampshire may not want to be “disability specific” but that’s exactly the problem.

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The Other Evil Empire: ASAN

The Autistic Self Advocacy Network is also another sin to the Autism narrative. As I have previously stated, ASAN is no different than any other organization headed by millennials. These rich Caucasians have believed in a dilliusion that autism in every case should be treated like a gift, and there is a zero tolerance policy of any cure of the disorder, even if its disruptive. They believe that every case should allow individuals to be themselves, even if they are disruptive per se.

Like all tax evading organizations, they are exempt from the rules. So they hire just autistics to speak on autism. And these many radical leftists that act at activists are preaching that April should only be Autism Acceptance Month instead. Apparently these upity, everything is awesome Millenials are so naive that there is still many people not aware or familiar with autism directly. ASAN pretends to not “get” or “accept” the harsh realities.

the super high functioning autistics also have mixed homosexuality and other pet causes into the autism narrative. Autism is not synoumus to the queer or African American community and should remain as such. More disturbingly most of these leaders live in cities and not in small towns and as I previously stated, they have lectured from 3,000 miles away in the form of a memo to the Arizona government and how they use Medicaid Waiver services.

Also, they have used vague but unconfirmed claims that Autism Speaks “portrays autism as a tragic burden” that latter two words has yet to be confirmed with hard facts. They dislike the puzzle as they claim to be a human, but they forget to google the history of the ASA version of the puzzle ribbon. Rainbows is for the queer community, sorry I have to be honest.

Walk in red is walking in anger. Also, that annoying hashtag “#ActuallyAutistic” makes you more weaker than stronger.

I know I don’t agree with many if not all high functioning types, you can’t be so rosey and attack an organization  that discriminates against autistics but also discriminate against normal people.

Vanessa

2017 Preface: I had memories of Vanessa, a former para of my high school program. I wrote this as I had developed a special friendship with a staff at my now former day program. She was my sister figure. My only sister figure – ever! Or at least I thought. When I left in November, she has not remained in communication. Vanessa I have not seen in years.

This post is about a paraprofessional from over 11 years ago. Her name is Vanessa and she worked with me over a decade ago. She was an awesome woman. A few years older than I am, kinda of a sisterly figure, a cute looking lady whom I would refer to her as my best friend if only things went a different way. Professionally she was cool, calming, would deescalate my anxiety and was able to have this peer-but-authorative figure only because I knew my boundaries (or at least that’s what I felt back then.)

Well we parted ways as she left GLEC about a year or so after I left my first program there. We had great chemistry and we both got along better than I did with the aforementioned teacher that I previously wrote.

For a while after I was very devastated, it was like loosing a best friend. It was a breakup only because the way GLEC operated wasn’t like other places upon transfers of good professional relations, they follow them. Vanessa was unable to follow me.

As stranger things had happened, it was a couple years ago where my mother and I took me to Manchester to the Mall of New Hampshire to acquire my Mac mini. As we left Best Buy to go and have lunch, we went by one of those photo places. Vanessa working there! But after lunch, we walked by to not see her again. She was working with a customer (a family you know) when we first went by. The following months, I’d try to do walk by. Her name tag and face matched, and she I believed lived in Lawrence.

I’ve known that some paras ether go out of the field altogether and go a 180 in the career sense. That may have happened to Vanessa a couple years ago. If Vanessa was able to follow me to the school to work program, maybe the 21st birthday debacle would’ve been less painful.

There is an individual that kinda meets the above profile in my current day program. I need someone like a Vanessa and I’ve been longing to find a day partner in crime with a multi-year relationship for decades. I hope ether that individual or someone else can fill this void.

It would be an underestimate to say I need someone like her in my day to day life.

🙁

Flexibility = Manipulation

I’m a 29 year old and sometimes feels like he’s a 9 year old. Is that because of my autism spectrum disorder or something else?

I’m on the camp of “something else”.

It was drilled upon my younger years to be “flexible” and learn to “go with the flow”. Nearly 10 to 20 years later these ideas have gone past unintended consequences. Sadly for some folks, this is how you can screw your kids up to being perpetual children well into adulthood. If you are doing this to your kids, you should be damned!!!

I’ve realized over the last week why I feel not only hopeless but powerless. I’ve understood that saying “no” equates to being politically incorrect and it may hurt people’s feelings. Because if I wanted to what I want as an adult well then that’s being “rigid” but guess where I learned to be rigid? The stubborn ol menopausal hags! I thought being my own guardian I could set some reasonable boundaries. Boy was I so naive!

I’d be lucky if I can attain a 60% independence in the next five years. “Independence” means I can make my own decisions without being forced with “flexibility” 9 times out of 10. “Independence” means to say no to my folks if I am not interested.

I feel like I am a jailbird to other people’s happiness. I really gotten the grasp of this “flexibility” bulls— and I don’t like it. As I get older and wiser I will become the most hated person as I become more rebellious! At least you’ve been warned!

Always Accept You’re Wrong When You Believe You’re “Right”

Part of the First Generation Syndrome was the constant assault of how I Was Always Wrong and Everyone Else Was Right. Unlike other people with Asperger’s for an example who some can’t accept failure or wrongdoing; I for one would.

The only way for me to get through life was to take hits. Many. By the scores. No matter how right was in my heart or mind (depending on how little I had even back then) I had to basically just go “yes ma’mm” to everything. I was never right, and a few times, the card carrying Hacks with Master’s Degrees would cave in and accept their wrong doing, but it only happened once in a supermoon.

Not only that, but I also had to cross many boundaries in the social skills to get what I wanted. Despite the dare I say “ballsy” moves, it didn’t get me much places. But of course there was and is two different Americas, a normal functioning America and an autistic America where we have really no rights, or at least for me – I can’t speak for the rest.

In short, you must learn to have a thick skin, and be able to get denied a thousand times. I feel despite how I tried to sell myself or my ideas, I always had to buy in other’s ideas to move forward. I know this was a case of “getting along to get along” but that was how broken the oppressive special needs system was back in 2005. As you know, it was pitiful.

Vacation

Since about 2011, just before I turned 25, I got indications that maybe we would possibly go on vacation to Florida for the first time.

Well 2012 would lead into 2013, and my grandmother got sick and 2014 was lead into possibly going to a 12 month work program, plus my mother’s work distractions; and then came 2015 which was all above plus everything else.

I have never been to Florida. Unlike other of my rich Caucasian peers who was able to travel to places all over the country at the price of a Kit Kat Bar (in their dollar value), it was very expensive for just the two of us to travel.

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The Theft of My Youth

I’m going to be 30 in a year from now. My experiences are well behind my peers by textbook definitions. Most of my peers from Southern New Hampshire don’t even live here anymore. They are more worldly and more sexist, ablest, racist, etc. Many would not tolerate my group of people. But there is another theft that was caused and co-conspired by the 6 and 8 year hacks.

My “fountain of youth” is disappearing very quickly as 30 year olds have to mature both on looks and mental and emotional maturity levels. When you get to a certain age, you aren’t as flashy (without trashy), fun healthy and happy people. You become more boring and you live a boring life. No hobbies, and downright depressing.

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