Part of Defining Me, Man-O-Festo, and narratives from The Hopeless Autistic works
In late 2018, I finally arrived to the litmus test of what would solidify the Hopeless Autistic status from the late 1990s, just a year before the diagnosis was brought to my attention after SHTF.
In a Facebook Messenger thread of school age friend, of which 2 years worth of conversations was actually printed out at 147 pages, for a discovery. Mind you, the only video chat occurred around this time, in late 2018. Millennials really use Facebook for pics and texts.
Once upon a time I had digitized my school records from the early 1990s. Because of the condition I live with I had entered school 3 years earlier than my peers. There was no public kindergarden at the time, though some students that had a very mild condition skeedaddied through the system at the price of other critical students.
As many kids in SPED would remember, their needs were reevaluated every 3 years (or so…depending on the student’s compliance.) Some of the evals were really lengthy, and apparently detailed and technical, of which could’ve been the reason why I am a walking stigma because of how others would perceive me.
The early days of my life is well documented, but the documentation itself looked very standard, but in reality it wasn’t. If a student was in SPED in the 1980s, their documentation would’ve either been typewritten or done on some electronic word processor (almost slipped with a “word pressed”!) In my early years, I actually was a student of the PC-culture, that is DOS and Intel machines.
All my paperwork looked like it was done on a fancy computer. In reality (except from the case manager and program manager – of which used Macintoshes) it was DOS and WordPerfect. I know on the SAU side, they had WordPerfect, some of the various evaluators may had used MS Word – for DOS.
The Autism movement is barely a teenager. However it’s one bratty child. The movement really began after the infamous MMR link written by
Dr. Andrew Wakefield; and at that point parents who were so stubborn that his science were accurate, started to begin a trend, new organizations would surface, older autistics in the “first generation” (those born from the mid 80s to early 90s) would start to speak out (but in a shuffled manner)
New stuff, not from the original site
You ask me what I want in a Day Program? Wouldn’t be great as a 32 year old to not have to go on a 12th grade school schedule? Those ‘Typicals can have some really cool work schedules where they go north when everyone goes south, and comes home south when everyone is going north. It’d be nice to start work when the sun is literally in the middle of the sky. It’d also be cool go out and socialize with open minded people before I go home so I can go home with a smile. But you always infer that I am supposed to be anxious, and depressed and be called out on it as if its my fault… like I choose to be obscenely autistic and be a badass.
It’s like saying when I lost my pet fish in 2014, I didn’t properly clean the tank to VERY pristine fashion and didn’t feed my fish for dinner not just at 6 o’clock but 6 o’clock zero seconds, zero milliseconds!
No wonder why I feel like a totaled car!
Managers are like goddamned professors and their effing philosophical minds…
New topic with an old subject title. It’s an ongoing situation, names and locations will be withheld written originally for my named page in December 2019.
I am currently in a better adult day program to help me be less dependent what some call “the system.” There is no perfect program, no perfect staff, but situations are far from realistic.
I am getting a unsettling sensation that I am getting unfairly pushed out. I have an invisible disability, and because I am not in a wheelchair, I am not needy. I am not disabled-enough!
The Vendor, that I will leave nameless had went through a bunch of changes in the last six months. Change and autism are an oxymoron. This isn’t a standard “change”. These were core support people ether left or got reassigned. Changes in the corner office impacted people I went to for various things. It wasn’t just one person, it was an admin assistant, a mid level manager and a direct support staff that got promoted into entry level management.
All within 2 months. One of the departures was filled in through “attrition” (something that I have not heard since the Financial Crisis in the private sector, or a New Hampshire municipality at the said time.) This to me is raising flags. The next line as this writer who is no longer as naive anymore: “nothing will change.” Well guess what? The staff has changed, became more managerial, and any attempts on my part to try to heal the broken relationship of under 2 years has been spiked by management. I have been the only individual in the “team” who was willing to give another chance to improve the relationship. I waited for several months (because I am generous to give 2 of the 4 months to mgmt because I am a forgiving guy. That’s not sarcasm, that’s me.) And theres been line after line, after line that they will not admit as an excuse.
The situation is more autistic than me. But I am forced to take the slack, get the flack, and I cannot fault management for anything. Everything, 110% is my fault.
Since the summertime, I’ve seen more resources being directed to ones who are physically disabled. For someone whose has a “higher functioning” developmental disability, I think what the management has chosen to ignore is higher intensity of supports that can be argumentatively be equal to that dude in the ‘chair.
The implied deflections, the lack of a team game (meaning that staff or managers taking responsibility if they screwed up), and the apparent pissing matches, and no staff listening, but cutting me off, or trying to shut me up (loud hum-hums over normal speaking volume of staff), has put strain on others. My mother is apparently hurting, the reactions and frustrations posted on my Facebook for friends-only to probably ignore me.
I try to learn to “let go” but they are smart enough to know I am trying to do that to punish me in the form of the said actions. It’s truly a damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t. In 3Q of 2019, I’ve neutered myself so badly, to the point where I just don’t care anymore. The system rewards people if they are so broken – physically. The only way to overcome autistic conditions is to basically break your neck.
THIS IS HOW LOW THINGS ARE HERE. AND I HAVE TO STFU AND MOVE ON.
During some early mornings I’ve asked myself “My purpose here [other than the mother] is what again?”
This is an ongoing story, more details to follow once the situation stabilizes, if it does.
Originally posted in March of 2018.
The following is my own opinions only and are not reflective of any organization or individuals. Also any influence by any organization or people are not reflective in this post as well. This was from a time and place from my own observations.
I was asked by an out of country commenter what have I done for any contributions while I had been critical of certain self advocates with the infamous “Ableist Script” on Twitter in late 2015. Touching someone that doesn’t want to be touch could be considered as discriminative behavior in their fucked up world.
Anyhow as I responded I was on a planning committee for an annual “family support” conference for a number of years. Located at a couple different resorts over the years on US302 during the end of NH Spring vacation; I left the committee after being heavily burnt out. I was the only member in his twenties, second to two teenagers. I was the only individual with a developmental disability who actively went to a simple and rhetorical committee rubber stamping meeting.
Yeah it was to me a form of advocacy, but did it get me anywhere?
Originally written in June 2018
What drives me over the edge is the ridiculous insanity (that is, repeating the same idea and expecting a different result) is the importance of “Family Support”. This “Family Support” is basically all ‘typicals with a one degree connection to someone with a disability not someone specifically with a disability. They are forced to live in a box entitled Self advocates.
Taking out other disabilities and focusing on what this site has been over 2 years, is the ones who have been living with it for life. Why in the hell should the siblings, and other ‘typical family members be the primary caretaker if when the parents pass on?! Why should they have to be the default caretakers? Why should their lives be succumbed by the other family member with a disability? What about neighbors, family friends, hell even friends to the person with a disability?
Why should the siblings (if they even have one?) put their live on halt to take care of someone severely autistic or other disabilities?
It’s not fair for ether party.
“Family support” is basically an old brand in New Hampshire that was once known for taking down state institutions but is living a dated quality, now just got all political and bashing political parties instead of fixing issues from geriatric Baby Boomers who’s offspring generation has no plans on coming in and helping, unless they want a nice photo op to help them advance their careers in managing “developmentally disabled” people, two or more degrees from that individual.
I am in the process of porting some of my work at The Hopeless Autistic to this page in a form of consolidating as my advocacy has been for the most part finished since 2016. Over the last year, there was still new developments as one story of one New Hampshirite on the ASD spectrum. Some of the more coherent posts will be ported over later this summer.
I am not a Steve Jobs.
I didn’t just happen to make a radical prediction that in four years after creating this page that the developmental disability system would ultimately collapse in 2020.
This past week, the State is still dealing with budgeting issues as 2020 in the Fiscal Year sense began on the 1st. It actually made news. In fairness, to put a disclaimer, the area agency featured in this WMUR-TV package is my area agency.
I am not in a position to criticize the area agency directly, as if I do, it would raise red flags as someone who has a big grudge and may be threat to people. Having social defects along with strong views against the contrary can be punishing.
So I don’t come off as a “bleedin heaht liberal”, here is my views against the NH Democratic Party, and the national DNC as a whole.
In the fairness of not being titled politically, I thought a followup post should be in order to focus on the New Hampshire Democrats and their rigidities. Despite living a county north of Middlesex County, home to Cambridge, Massachusetts and the universities that plague that region; we are going to just stay local.
I’ve perceived the Democratic culture to be at fault too. No one will ever own up to this. Almost every person I know whose active in the advocacy leans far to the left, and will often recite whatever the “leader” tells them and repeat whatever that “leader” tells them.
The right is easier to criticize because their actions are easier to explain. The left lives on theories, and styles, and they are not as explicit, and in order to understand them you have to get into an overkill of their style to fully get them. (Or not!) The Democrats, liberals, Moonbats have even a more scattered trail mix of ideas, and it’s your job to clean it up!
I have not been in encounter with any of my neurological peers who have an opinion or a challenging view. They repeat their views that seems to be centralcasted over and over and many times over.