The F-Word… “Family”, part two

Advice for whiney Karens who think they know what’s best for their children and corrupt them into adulthood…

  • Fathers: when knocking up a woman, always take ownership, whether you’re married, cheating, having a bastard child. Avoid a Triple D with a Triple A demeanor. Denying a child’s birth, will only corrupt a child.
  • Mothers: “Giving birth” means you are giving a gift of life to the world. The world (whether it’s the next county over, or the other part of the continent or literally down under) has a reasonable right to be able to allow your child’s gifts
  • Oh and allow your child to have their gifts. If you are annoyed, then that’s your problem
  • The child must have good manners, and set a healthy example, but just because you’re a parent does not mean it gives you the right to fully control the child just because you can in theory. This corrupts children.
  • Be open, but expect the child to be blunt. Your kid may say something in a conversation that may go against your world views. Your kid may challenge you with a “Why” that isn’t about not throwing a ball near your mint Dodge pickup that you are protecting like you love it more than your human offsprings. Kids question bigger issues, but the parents love to control the narrative on preserving a crappy American made truck, than issues like politics, sex and money.
  • If your kid runs away (figuratively or literally) expect to take stock. These damned mama bears and papa bears never seem to take responsibility for corrupting a child. When a child runs away from the parents, they are scared, the last thing they need is to show who has authority. In fact this “authoritative parenting” is likely overcompensating the lack of that with the Boomer>Millenial cross generations. Kids are not objects, they are not your bitch. 
  • Children are children. Do not adult them. A former neighbor had two boys in the last decade. I recall minding my own business, the high pitched, and fast spoken individual was also using 5th grade language to children who weren’t entering in the first grade. The mother for no known reason was treating the children closer to adults then what their brains could handle. I could literally see the puzzled look in their eyes. We thought preserving kid’s innocence was just sex?
  • Likewise, talk to your hierarchal children at eye level. Do not look down at your kids, do not talk down, do not insult their intelligence. Avoid “instructing” children, then they look like they are apparent spoiled brats when it’s far from reality.
  • Family is more than just blood related individuals. Kids need to find someone to reproduce too. But that can’t work if you apply arranged marriages, saying the girlfriend is no good, just because she’s a hippie, or you don’t like her politics. Also, children need to be treated as individuals, not a clusterfuck of generic children in a generic family, this leads into more conflict that could be prevented if hte parent had their act together. 
  • The use of “hierarchal children” means the family unit is more flexible than the “flat” family structure (like the “clusterfuck” analogy.) In my estranged family, it’s very clear the “children” are perpetual youngsters that will probably stay the same.
  • Avoid parentification of children. Kids are not expected to grow up and be parents. There is a severe narcissistic parenting, of which parentification is common. This means that kids are acting as parents to do the work they should be able to do on their own.
  • Stop bragging about your children! That used to be an idiom, but for whatever reason parents who have no self-control , insist they have entitlement they can embarrass, and set a narrative, even if the child is an adult.

Lastly: The world is greater than yourself. Listen, take responsibility, be open, do not hide skeletons. Do not project, reflect instead; set examples in actions, stop using cute words, do not act like a king or queen. Don’t act like your life is invincible. Be humble, don’t gloat about your child. Don’t take your roles too seriously. Allow a child to fall on their own feet. Teach empathy. Only be aggressive when necessary, and let go of the petal when necessary. Embrace individuality, support a child’s own direction of thought. Do not indoctrinate them. Do not experiment mom-club ideas.  Think greater than yourself.