My family is part Japanese, but you wouldn’t really know because they live on the dark side, leaving every family member in the dark in the name to keep people guessing I think?
Regardless, I wrote an email to one of the aunts in August of 2019, while some had critiqued the email to be legalese (hey that’s the New Hampshire way!), I treated these family members, as foreign members even if they were blood-related. You don’t treat strangers like family… maybe I am the one with the loose screws.
Names are redacted to protect the innocent:
I wanted to reach out and get a feel of setting some expectations as I slowly reconnect with the family. I understand, you are a working mother of all types, actively involved, and now taking care of [grandmother]. I’ll be honest, I have been struggling on how to communicate to you, how should I approach reaching out, what method to communicate, how long should I be waiting for a response, etc. I presume the feeling is bit likewise, as any reuniting with estranged family wouldn’t have the same story from one individual to another. Mine may be much different than yours.
- Have I gone too fast?
- Is there anything I can improve?
- Is there something I can help you better understand me?
- How can I better understand you? Is me reaching out to you just bad timing?
- What would your ideal outcome in the next month, year, a couple of years with me and you?
- Are you interested in getting to know me in a very close manner where one would have to throw away all perceived sentiment and is willing to get to know someone on a one on one manner for a period of time?
- Are you interested in getting to know the very small success in life that have in some ways defined me?
- Are you also willing to take the time to do that? Or are you in a position to wait till your kids age into college when you may have more time?
- What is the best method in communicating in the meantime (voice/telephone; video chat/Messenger or Skype, etc? If so how often?
- Is there a method to the idea of having the family be together? Are you bothered in any means that I am “choosing” my family at the age of 32? Do you feel bothered if the family doesn’t go well together as you would like to see it?
Obviously there was no answer, I don’t know if there were “reasons” or they just freaked out. But I can’t speak for them and it taught me that I can’t be part of this type of family.