If emails and follow responses have taken time… well since November of last year, I’ve come to a blunt conclusion.
I am a “broken” person.
Things since then led up to this making me head to this decision.
I did this to myself. While I had discussed some of my personal thoughts back in 2015 and into 16, I realized that most of my twenties was my doing.
I rebelled, challenged the norms and now I am paying the worse price. I broke myself! Now I have to figure out how to to get past this so I can just basically add more content on the Resume page so I can contribute to society rather than obsessing about frivolous things like relationships, friendships, etc. I have acquaintances, why I was so naive and thinking my life would be more satisfied if I had more than that? I have no idea. I wanted things more meaningful in my life, but should’ve settled with work, eat and sleep.
But being the self accountable human being, I want to investigate why I got to here. Till then I won’t be around. I will be taking a mandatory self retreat in the coming weeks.
I will return sometime in the near future by the late summer at the earliest.
And as a legal CYA, I do see a therapist, but it’s troubling with an experience professional who tells me “I think like you do [referencing logical, thought out plans of actions, black and white thinking] but I don’t have a clear answer”. This verifies the harsh reality that everything in life is so complex, that not even my mental health professional could do.