Autism/Political Regression

The Autism rights movement is very non-existent in my area. I do not see any changes effecting my state related to me. I had been active in some self-advocacy in the past. There are too many older people of elderly age who have their views on “developmental disabilities”; and their views are not up to par in the 21st century. We also have too many direct support professionals who are in the institutional mind and skillset but yet we are supposed to be out in the community all day long because being exposed and being seen will fix all the intolerant issues. Sadly I know enough conservatives who do not tolerate my group at all.

I have spoken to heads of state agencies, to bureau heads, to department employees and they have refused to take my concerns into consideration other than generic acknowledgment  type of statements. I tried to show people in my own county for an example what autism can be for all, not just some limited restrictions for whatever excuses the older generation wants to believe.

Autism Awareness will always be the month to denote the signs, but we will never, ever, EVER be appreciated or accepted. I will be treated like a wallflower, just a voice that wants to only be heard in their minds.

I’ve accepted the facts that I will not be respected like any other thirty year olds in this circle. It is politically incorrect to be high functioning and be part of various special needs support circles, they want to only support the ones who allegedly cannot speak for themselves. Some are threatened by me because I’ve broken some glass barriers to the point they’d be laid off because a little known fact is that some families can speak for themselves! Which means some family advocacy groups could be out of a job, but they blame me for speaking truth to power; but they can be as  crass as they want to be. (This is the concern of the power addiction that some Concord types have a problem.)

But sadly, discrimination (I’m sorry to say ableism) exists in my state. No one with disabilities is able to be heard to make changes. The self advocacy groups are programmed to be Democratic surrogates in my state. The aforementioned questioning authority is banned in this state; and people don’t have the guts to speak against the level, quality and delivery of services can be improved. Everything has to go through a very complicated process that doesn’t allow the clients to be directly communicated to low level bureaucrats up north on 93.

It will never change. These adults are very stubborn to change; and yet my generation was prodded to learn how to adapt to change. The double standards of power and authority will never change. I won’t ever be able to break the barrier. I will be dead when that time occurs.

Autism Awareness will always be the month to denote the signs, but we will never, ever, EVER be appreciated or accepted. I will be treated like a wallflower, just a voice that wants to only be heard in their minds. Their regression will prohibit me from finding meaningful futures such as not finding a woman, to marry to possibly have disabled children to then feel valued as a family support social strata. So for them to treat me like I am a nobody is sadly giving them more power.

Even if this is a leftist matter; they are very stubborn to change and it will need to take willpower from the educated professionals that claim to have experience in my peers. And that will not likely happen.

I go into three zero just very mellow, and going in with no more expectations in my life. If I hit the bar, any bar, that’s an improvement even if it’s a slight one to other’s eyes. I’ve learned to accept high expectations from others but not expect that in return.

While I have been technically unemployed since the last decade (due to a poor transition of adult services and quality levels of supports and the lack of diversity in this state); the last five years of trying to get to these people and find a hack to get into their minds had failed. I can only say that this hard work has resulted me into a deep level of hopelessness that is finally disappearing slowly but surly. After leaving the advocacy world altogether last spring, I have zero regrets. I had to take care of myself and try to find goals to make me happy. Even if my life doesn’t improve to my ideals; keeping my life stable is the most important thing. But for the last year, I came to a very sobering conclusion that my voice, and my diverse view and standing out of the crowd and everything I was taught in school to be a good person came deflecting to my face.

While this is this is not the ideal “autism acceptance”, this “acceptance” is mandatory if you want to remain a stable human being in my little world. If you don’t accept then you’ll just go into a infinite hell of expecting something more that you’ll never get. Once you accept that, then you’ll just be fine…

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