Since my document discovery that I had done out of serendipity a week ago, in preparation for a meeting the other day… I’ve figured out possibly why I have been “stuck”:
- The obvious narrative that I didn’t have a “transition plan”, an effective one at least
- The obvious narrative that others in higher power knew I had no transition plan, and nor did they want to be innovative or cleaver to help make my transition less painful
- While my then psych-o-logist knew my troubles; early on after high school; she went so far to believe that I should’ve gone to the local mental health area agency, which does not have that much day services unlike the developmental disability agencies.
- This woman not only made references to me, but she sure as hell documented and documented it very clear that my autism was going to be by second diagnosis, and being crazy – to say it mildly was going to be my primary disorder
- Bolick even went so far to say to my mother’s insurance company in a claim that my psychiatrist were about to conclude that I had “morbid bipolar disorder” and of course painted me on the same status as my crazy uncle (another sexism attack) in this “confidential” report. She never met or knew the man, but she can make up pictures and put me on the same level as the wreck of an uncle I have.
- In 2008/09 I thought I could have a dual diagnosis, but Bolick continued to be defiant (and “rigid” to steal her cliches with me) that autism has nothing to do with depression, so basically my autism was no longer existent. But what do I know?
- Stretching the truth like cotton candy is an SOP in this field. But she went really over the line in many occasions, and most disturbingly to important figures. In a letter to get Social Security, Bolick used some very strong claims that was borderline false or just blatant personal attacks. Now I don’t work for Social Security, but I can’t believe I was qualified for it despite what she wrote
- The second image was even more disturbing because in my 15 minutes of accessing my file share and screengrabbing these left and right, I couldn’t believe how much she used “paranoid” so loosely and not be able to explain it further. I have high doubt she doesn’t retain emails like an established practice, so she skidaddys getting away of destroying records that may have clarification.
- In today’s movement of more positive, but needy statements, this entire letter could’ve been rewritten differently and I’d still get SSI. But Bolick is an old school, guarded type that constant negativity and manipulation is the way to “fix” autistics in the 603, 978, possibly 508 and 617 area codes.
- If she couldn’t attack me on merit, she sure as hell was able to attack me on a personal level. She went so far to attack my “high-pitched voice” as well as my “short stature”. So in an essence, she knew I was mostly Asian physically and she basically is a racist in the professional sense. Sick!
- While I terminated Bolick just weeks after my 21st birthday I did have this on and off again relationship with her because I was unable to find a qualified psychologist who would be honest, but not go so far in blatant fraud and lies. (There is a reason why I call her The Fraud on Broad.) She went so far to think I was so crazy that I must had been wearing a tin foil hat to her office. Why?
“Steven is also rejecting friends and past sources of support, publicly and privately. For [an] example, he has recently written to the NH Attorney General about suing his previous school district and members of educational teams at his out-of-district placements. He has gone so far as to write out ‘briefs’ against individuals who made good-faith efforts to support him over the course of his education.”
Sadly this statement was barely half true. I never stepped forward to the NHAG and briefs may had been blog posts but I am unable to confirm what she meant by this Bolick completely misunderstood how my school support quickly turned against me within months after finishing school. Some of my friends had actually began the betrayal. While I may admit my anger is very pervasive when someone does turn their backs against me, why wouldn’t you get a little p-ssed? Especially when you are working with special needs?
Her note and my commentary kinda sums this all up. These people knew that I’d be aging out but refused to do nothing to avert, so are they really to be blamed at a moment of time in my worst years of my life? Is that the textbook case of “conspiracy”? I think it’s fair to say that for that particular time in my life.
- Bolick also sent a form to the insurance circa 2009 with yet another round of straight up attacks. Bolick continued to force me to be with my peers. But where are my peers? It was always my fault for not being with them. (even if they lacked any tolerance) High pitched voice, “paranoia” without facts and my Japanese stature was also under attack
- She went even so deep to even state that I had a “compulsive collections to papers” but who was going to serve the Compliance Director in my then corrupt support system?
There is a difference of sensitivity and the straight up legal definition of confidentiality. Not every person in the world should need to know every little detail about me, but just because you’re a doctor and you think you know everything and you act like a pompous a-hole; DOES NOT MEAN you should have the RIGHT to go behind my back and not just say harsh things, but go so far in personal attacks, beyond the textbook definition. This is how corruption starts, innocent “confidentiality” laws or best practices start such way, then get escalates like a druggie, you do some more, and even more and you think you’ll never get caught till someone has the emotional and mental capacity years later to say “this isn’t right – at all!” The problem? I may get laughed at by the “experts” from the board of mental health pros. If I have nasty thoughts about somebody, borderline on defamation, it’s not well documented nor is is stored electronically or would even be sent via fax or email. To be direct, it’s common sense to NOT defame people!
I’ve posted this because many things happened in 2009 to 2011. I received these records just after I moved, and the emotions and actions by her in 09 was the reason why I am creeped out. I forgot this one little nugget of information that became who I was in the last 5 years. I’ve previously published blogs posting hundreds of posts over a couple of years figuring everything out – out loud.
But now I’ve figured it out.
- That I was thrown under the bus in the form of support within the same year of graduation,
- that my psychologist was pushing me to go into inferior mental health services (that she probably didn’t have a clue)
- not knowing the full depth of my family and label me to the worst member of my family
- that she was making me feel unsafe by getting closer to diagnose me an unsafe diagnosis. At that time I was probably too afraid to say that I felt “safer” with the autism as a primary diagnosis as “dual-diagnosis” was not accepted in my area at that time. Nor did she believe in the latter herself.
- She knowingly was scaring me out of control and she has no ability to “deescalate” crises, as many of the notes and personal accounts would reflect
- She admitted after 30 years in the industry she “had gotten the grasp” on ASD – after I initially fired her in 2008! In short, she was acting like she knew everything when in fact she didn’t even know everything on ASD!
- Constant focus on negativity over any positivity even during a crisis outside of needing to be with my “peers” or work or college options – going as far back as I was about 16 and doing it by complete disregards to facts.
- While these claims may not be unethical per se, it’s safe to say that she didn’t have the best moral compass. People helping others are lacking a moral compass more and more, and it isn’t just the stereotypical sexual or physical abuse; but psychological and emotional abuse should be no excuse as well.
I hate to use the cliche “I’ve changed so much in the many years, I hope you’ll like me again” but this is the classic example of someone who forces change against me but was unable to accept, that I was – in fact – changing but she couldn’t accept it. Of course it took a decade to do, but she was stuck in the 3 year old version of Steven Ayotte and not the 18, 19, 20, 21 or 22 year old Steven or would probably not see me as an almost 29 year old Steven Clickford with respect or the benefit of the doubt.
They say peers once they hit adolescence loose forgiveness, tolerance and acceptance? But where do they learn it from? Their elders, the parents or “doctors”? They are just as evil – if not worse. So I hope any insurance, welfare agency or others who would search for me to understand that these documents are not accurate for my age or time in my life in 2016. It is intended for historic record as a baseline for a formal complaint that I was behind a year, but now with that serendipity, I had the “a-ha” moment where I believe this was the beginning to my downfall which has put a burden with my area agency and day programs over the last few years for no reason. If anything, this shouldn’t be a ding against me, but my hack psychologist, “Doctor” Teresa Bolick.