The Concerns of living in a “Fantasy” World

Concerns first spread to some that I was “stuck” living in a fantasy world (which at the time consumed Lego minifigures and ABS plastic bricks) when I was about 13. The school support staff felt I was getting to carried away; and as a result I was basically punished for living in my own safe world by being force to adapt to the real world. (The staff were Gen Xers, to remind the reader. This was the last “tough” generation, however “tough” could be considered as passive aggressive not just strong.)

5 years later, these concerns were brought up, this time addressed to me specifically.  I was 18. The case manager (yup another Gen Xer) said something to the effect they were concerned that I was living an “eternal childhood” and feared “that I’d lock [or close] the door and be in Miniland” as opposed to “the real world”.

The head of pupil services (now running the SAU in Goffstown, or at least at last check) also said some little thing of a don’t-let-me-down-in-ten-years if I didn’t show progress type of thing around the same time if say I ran into him in recent years.

Fast forward to a decade and I’ve gone nowhere. While I’ve tried to minimize my Lego world (even though you can catch me building some fire truck, Crown Vic police cruiser or an ENG news van); I’ve gone full force and aggressive in trying to adapt to the real world of where I live in. I’ve been unable to get a job on my own (which is why I need a strong support from a day program or vendor, and not scare me away or throw me out on the sidewalk) and I’m not that bright despite what others say about me. Since about 2013 to present I went full force by doing everything and anything to get a job, and try to contribute to society. If you have followed the developments of last year, it resulted in negative outcomes.

In the end of 2015 into 2016, I’ve felt more vulnerable in the community. I have an allergic reaction when I see people in the community living a happy and healthy life, I just get angry as the reaction to the allergy. I’ve lost all support systems from 2005 by 2013. I’ve been limping around in life and while other people in my life escape by reading Harry Potter or any other fantasy novel, I’ve tried to fight reality without running away.

Now in 2016, I’ve given up the lost cause. All I want in my programming is to be very minimal. Work at least 20 hours, do at least a couple hours of community events a week to comply with the Medicaid Waiver’s regressive agenda for special needs. I’m a part time resident of Minibrick State, and have declared residency. Why be in the real world if the real world pushes you into the fantasy land that the professionals were afraid of in the first place? Why didn’t they fight for me when they knew I couldn’t fully fend for myself?

People pushed me away and drove me out of the real world. I can say with some confidence that at least I tried to “fit in.”