Say That You Love Me (A Narrative on Crushes)

Humm, I guess the 90’s are kicking in for me thinking of that hit entitled Lovefool.

Anyways, I’ve had a massive case of infatuations from as far back as I was about 11. I’ve learned over the years that crushes aren’t just normal or natural but it can be downright painful and just plain bad.

I’ve rarely kissed, but often when I crushed on someone, I felt it was necessary to tell almost every person in my world even though it was a one way relationship – even if that’s even the right thing to say!

The first crush was not the one I’ve previously mentioned, it was a girl in the first year of fifth grade and she was in another homeroom class. She already had a boy/love pal in her life – a guy that was in my classroom.

People knew about it and started to tease me. The joke continued the following year because her younger sister was in the same homeroom class as I was.

Things got worse in my first program out of district around 2000. On Saint Patrick’s Day of that year we were playing a board game and I blurted out “Kiss Me I’m Irish” on many occasions and at some point – I inferred to my teacher, who I had a crush on. That got nowhere, and it would bite me. I can’t remember how many wasted hours in just that calendar year being puppy love with her and then the speech therapist.

This was repeated more and more over the peers since there was no females virtually till I went to the school to work program. There was a girl in interest but I flip flopped like crazy which in some days I regret.

Another teacher crush happened a couple years later, which she basically lead one of her students (that’s me) despite her being married and was a new mother. The most crazy thing on my part was think they would be naive to have feelings towards me, and think they could do it to keep me happy or something wacky like that.

In that stupid grey years of 18 to 21, I was so cocky to believe some teacher will like me even if I am barely legal. Who said it wasn’t illegal? Its two consenting adults.  But whatever, there was no hope in that department.

Up until I was about 27 (and the time I married Melanie), I was so naive to believe the most loveliest, the most caring, the least plastic of a lady would be single. After going through several hundred misleading emotions, I’ve learned the hard way that the most loving women are taken, the most attractive types are taken, and the most abusive or not so pretty are the ones who are single.

Back on topic in relations to crushes. I’ve grown up to shrug off quasi attractions. It’s not like your teenage years where you have really delusional, lusty or over dreamy thoughts of the other person. You know she is not available and you know its short term and it isn’t as devastating. You also learn to not say anything when asked and don’t say it at your own will ether.

I hope people have learned my lessons on infatuations.

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