Where I Grew Up (and Regressed!)

2017 Update: I don’t hold a grudge like I used to, but I do feel that the development was hindered by various types of people. 

At the same time, in early 2016 and verbalized in 2017, that I had higher social growth in elementary school in district. The moment I went into the Middle School, all hell broke loose. By this point I was out of districted and lost all social circles. In fact I even recalled the second year of fifth grade from about January to June, I felt I had the most growth in my life. At 12 years old that’s almost equivalent to 2 years. But I was in the fear where I couldn’t tell anyone to validate this because the consultant-slash-thearpist would say shit like “they were friends to you but not to them”.

So I remained silent till earlier this year. Some of the more affluent types caused the worst damage. Will I ever be friends to ANY of them again? I think the reader knows that answer.

Unlike other millennials or peers of my age, I basically lived in a single neighborhood for my entire life till I was twenty-three.  I was born in Derry, raised in Londonderry (the small dot to the right). The first dwelling was my grandparent’s house. I moved for the first time when I was about five, then back for a few months after I turned six, the moved again to another part of town (in the same elementary school region) for another three years till my grandmother got divorced and we moved back. From 1996 to near the end of 2010, I lived in the same dwelling. By that point of most typical twenty-three year olds, they probably have moved about a dozen times if you count their college dorm as a form of living setup.

I was raised to believe that Londonderry was this small town, a typical working class community that once was the bedrock of this region. Well, even the Town themselves considered Londonderry as a “rural lifestyle” but many of the people would fake it. I wouldn’t even bet people know what “RFD” referred to, and we even had an RFD stop number, which I won’t publish on this site. The most lower class citizens were driven out over the last couple of decades. Some of my classmates (of the similar social strata) don’t even live in town, at least more than many years ago based on Facebook conversations.*

* 2017 Update: I did reach out to them since in a desperate attempt to socially connect when I had a facebook profile for personal uses over the last year.

Specific to this site, if it weren’t for my Londonderry residence, I might not be able to have the ability to write this 1,600 word narrative. Some other days I wished I never went to LEEP and would’ve been better off being a non verbal autistic and would’ve had the system spoil me because afterall the system is a paradise for non verbals. And I don’t want to dismiss any non verbals ether, because afterall I was once one (for a few years…)

However the dirty little secret to “Ltown” is that it’s really an upper middle class town despite the constant “rural lifestyle” talking point. Such families were poor enough to buy necessities, but rich enough to buy materialistic items.

I grew up in the time where I was out of districted, most of the local millenials would actually not be exposed to this group – my group, just like how their Baby Boomer parents were not exposed to the generation that were at the Laconia State School, for an example. While the Londonderry School District had new management by the turn of the Century, the pervasive problem was to address the out of district students. To be direct, they failed miserably. Around the Class of 2005, (or SY 04-05) about 64 students were at out of district facilities.

I’ve admitted previously of flip flopping staying out or returning and to then decide to remain out of district would be the right one. I started to come to my senses of how “young punks” would perceive me, and sadly it had negative connotations. There really isn’t a valid defense to the district, because they spent so much time trying to build in house programs, and they now use it as selling points today.

Management never thought like a uniformed worker, I would start to bleed to death, and they refused aid. The only critical or core “services” they provided was my third mother, psychologist since three, Teresa Bolick, from Westford, Mass. who had an office in Nashua. Her personal snobbish attitudes were mirrored to Londonderry because both towns are no different, no less. If you wonder why I write negative narratives, this specific experiences would cause a scar for life.

2017 Update; Bolick passed away, which immediately began a slow healing process.

As this narrative evolves to how I would become a hopeless autistic was between the inept management at the time, and the inept psychologist and the very political IEP team. The best interest at the time was not my mother or me, but a collective agenda by the professional class. “Safeguards for your child’s education” paper that came with the signed IEP, forget it, what a flipping joke! The DRCNH would’ve denied me even in those days!

I started to feel being bullied outside the typical norms – the textbook definition. I was taught by many professionals since being a teenager to respect other social stratas and be a good example – and be a leader basically. Well being a “nice guy” wasted my entire twenties. Again I sure hope the devil has given Ms. Bolick the hell she gave to me landing back to her. About a decade ago, I would start to see how I should not respect people in other social strata. Many of those peers were promiscuous, will leave it at that.

As explained above, the district had an apparent liberal agenda. Great! But what about the people outside the SAU property line? The town has a very conservative constituents, only a few very liberal. Both cancel out each other so nearly 98% of 24,000 residents (at the time in 2000, where this narrative takes place) would have low tolerance to autistics and/or developmentally disabled people. Some of the most extreme, tight to the right politicians in this fine state – live in Londonderry.

Narcissism is very common in that community, people who use other people to bolster their “social capital” (see how Bolick’s agenda can work against autistics? Link is dead like the lady in the video.) I was used on Facebook by a number of ex-“friends”. They knew who I was, but they only wanted me to boost their friend count. Hey, there is a thing called Linked In, if you want to advance your social count without referring them as “Friends”, you know?

As mentioned, many I knew possessed a “too cool” attitude for the 603 area code. A vast majority of people I went to school with in elementary school, don’t live in the state anymore, or have zero intentions to come back (according to Facebook activity circa a few years ago) at least closer to their “hometown” they use to advance themselves. Meanwhile these young punk 30 year olds will never pay back their early education, as the school district is inching towards a $70 million dollar budget and the town government has historically been skimpy and when I moved had depreciated town services, thanks to voting for the interests of the children…which I thought was illegal in election laws…

The trauma of living in Caucasian privilege, Upper Crust of New Hampshire was what formed me into massive insecurities such as “I’m not good enough” or “I shouldn’t be friends with someone who has so much education” or because I didn’t have enough socialization, that I shouldn’t be around people who have better socialization. Oh wait, where are all the twenty/thirtysomethings to socialize with who aren’t married?  Right, they abandoned the town while the lower class and hopeless autistic like I was; just limped over to the larger dot on the left of the map a few years ago. 

Living in Ltown created it’s own real-world of FOMO between the on screen view and out of window, plain sight view.

I’ve made mistakes in my life. One of the regrets, was remembering where I came from, avoiding materialism, having pride and patriotism of my town I once grew up and kept my humble self. Maybe that’s why I started to toss out old pictures or threw some year books into long term storage and going to burn the most painful documentations of my early years of life. And just like any other “Ltowner” just fake the idea I had a life prior to twenty-three.