If there isn’t another way to describe my emotions over the last month, the last year to see what’s ahead for the next year, put it this way.
Imagine you’re driving a “Crappy American car” as I liked to describe the Big 3 autos; and that Crappy American car just like any other that will sputter unexpectedly. The car looses control. You try everything to avert a major disaster.
You’re up against a cliff and the road. But lets say there is a Big Scary Truck that is carrying hazardous materials. What do you do? Do you plow into the BST or go off the cliff and risk your life?
If you were a sane person, you’d drive off the cliff, to prevent a major disaster going into the BST.
“The system” in my state, the “supports” (the lack thereof) and the out of control government both on the state and Federal level is this Crappy American car. All the things I’ve previously discussed since inception in October is what this car is made out of.
You have no choice to avoid disaster, you’re going to wreck no matter what. Your peddles are failing, the steering wheel is about seconds to lock up.
And this is where I am right now. I can’t seem to try to navigate this broken car that I am riding at a “high rate of speed.” I have no driving force. I’m a passenger in the driver’s seat. There is no 9-1-1/Tier 2/3 helpline for hopeless autistics. I have to navigate this myself.
And sadly the only option is to drive off the cliff. Will I survive? Who knows. At this point what worse can happen? Or is the worst yet to come?
I can’t answer that question. Because I am at a loss for answers. Just asking unanswered questions.