Broken Instincts

Dreams, what are those things?

Why does my “normal” friends can go to college, but I can with an asterisk? Why does the “normal” people party and get a diploma? How can I trust you if I tell you my dreams and you won’t use it against determination for services? (i.e. being “too functioning”)

I am more active in the special needs movement over the last few years and I am floored of how children are getting so much forward in society while some 28 to 32 year olds are in a dark world.

I do not understand the concept of “following your heart”, “following your dreams”, how to chase such things without being charged for stalking your own pursuit for happiness. (And I am not talking about girls or guys.) In some jurisdictions in this area code of 603, it’s a crime to have a disability and enjoy life. Ok, so you don’t go to jail, but society – yes in New Hampshire – will be punished by being left out, while some “experts” claim that individuals need to assimilate with the normal functioning people.

With that aside, I don’t know what makes me happy. I know what makes me cry. I feel that if I follow my happiness, I’ll be too “high functioning” and have to deal with the baggage of that!

I’m a victim of an oppressive special needs system, ridden with politics, bureaucracy “rights” that are ideals over enforceable laws, etc. I’ve been lied to on the record by professionals to the point I can’t believe in many people, except for the current support system I have. I do take responsibility for some of the errors occurred. Any regrets I did, I will make note (but not dread on the past, but just for clarification purposes.)